And motivation is lost..

I am sorry for being a bit distant the past few weeks.  Unfortunately I have been going through some personal issues.  The boy and I broke up about a month ago.  We agreed it wasn’t working at this point and decided to go our separate ways.  Of course I am regretting this decision now as he was such a great support through this whole process and through everything else in my life.  I felt I wasn’t able to dedicate enough time to him.  Even though I was hesitant to break up, I was excited to be able to take some time for myself.  I’ve had a huge mental to-do list that has been growing for months.  The first week went well; I started yoga, listed a bunch of items on ebay, cooked food, and caught up with my blog.  This was going to be easier than I thought!

Then depression set in quick and hard.  I had been through this situation once before.  An ex had suddenly broken up with me years ago and I was crushed.  I woke up nauseous each morning and could barely function.  I literally went out every single night that summer to get my mind off everything.  I knew it was partly because I was living in my parents’ house at the time.  I realized I had taken refuge at my boyfriends’ house and created a temporary solution.  Now I had to go back to living in my parents’ house 24/7 once again.  It really brought me back to reality and made me realize how unhappy I was with my living situation.  I ended up going on anti-depressants for a few months and finally got through it.

Now I have my own house and I thought I was happy with where I am in life.  So it’s been quite frustrating that I’ve fallen back into depression again.  All the things I hoped to accomplish on my own haven’t happened.  I can’t even stand to be at my house alone.  So of course my house is a huge mess and that makes me feel even worse.  I haven’t been to my parents house in two weeks (my mother is probably ecstatic) and I don’t have any active listings on ebay.  I even have an extra dining room table at by house because my brother and sister in law gave me theirs.  I haven’t become motivated to get rid of the old one.  My life is literally a mess.  I went to the doctor to be put back on anti depressants and have been on them for about two weeks now.  I’m not sure if they are actually helping in the end, but time will tell.

I have always known that both of my parents (and most hoarders) suffer from different degrees of depression, so it is no surprise that I would have it as well.  I’m hoping to get out of this funk soon and get back to normal, whatever that is.  I will attempt to continue posting on my blog and get back to cleaning my parents’ house this week.  Wish me luck!!

4 thoughts on “And motivation is lost..

  1. I hope things work out for you. I tend to get depressed as the days get shorter each year. One thing that helps is to get out in the daylight more during the day. I don’t know where you live, but for many northern states, this can be a problem.

  2. I think the ending of a relationship (whether friends or more) is like a wound that needs time to heal. When you cut yourself, you dress the wound and care for it, make sure it’s well protected and give it time to heal. Do this for yourself as well and give yourself time to heal. I hope you get through this ok.

  3. I’m so sorry about your break-up. Know that even though you’re hurting now, brighter and happier days are ahead. I really enjoy your blog. Getting through a break-up is like cleaning up your parent’s house – it’s going to take time, patience, and a ton of hard work, but it can be done.

    I wish you peace.

  4. I really enjoy reading your blog and I am so sorry to hear about the break-up. My experience with anti-depressants is that it takes a while for them to “kick in”, especially if you have not taken them for a while. I can relate to so much of what you have been going through with your parents. I had to let my mothers hoarding go, I don’t have the tolerance and patience to deal with it. I love my Mom, but I have my own set of issues that I have to deal with (I have a tendency to hoard among other things) and I can’t do her and me both (I know that is not proper English, but oh well). She has managed to not fill all the rooms of her house, but she has enough room to keep and hold onto a lot of stuff and hold onto she does.
    I think it is a wonderful thing that you want to help your parents and you have done all that you have, but right now you should just take time for you. Be a little selfish (or a lot :0). What I have learned is that I have to fight the depression and make myself do things. One thing that you can be thankful for is that you have your own “home”, even if it is a huge mess right now, and don’t have to return to live at your parents home. Be thankful that when you start to straighten up the mess at your house no one will resist the removal of “things”.
    Give yourself a big old hug and know that this too shall pass.

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