And motivation is lost..

I am sorry for being a bit distant the past few weeks.  Unfortunately I have been going through some personal issues.  The boy and I broke up about a month ago.  We agreed it wasn’t working at this point and decided to go our separate ways.  Of course I am regretting this decision now as he was such a great support through this whole process and through everything else in my life.  I felt I wasn’t able to dedicate enough time to him.  Even though I was hesitant to break up, I was excited to be able to take some time for myself.  I’ve had a huge mental to-do list that has been growing for months.  The first week went well; I started yoga, listed a bunch of items on ebay, cooked food, and caught up with my blog.  This was going to be easier than I thought!

Then depression set in quick and hard.  I had been through this situation once before.  An ex had suddenly broken up with me years ago and I was crushed.  I woke up nauseous each morning and could barely function.  I literally went out every single night that summer to get my mind off everything.  I knew it was partly because I was living in my parents’ house at the time.  I realized I had taken refuge at my boyfriends’ house and created a temporary solution.  Now I had to go back to living in my parents’ house 24/7 once again.  It really brought me back to reality and made me realize how unhappy I was with my living situation.  I ended up going on anti-depressants for a few months and finally got through it.

Now I have my own house and I thought I was happy with where I am in life.  So it’s been quite frustrating that I’ve fallen back into depression again.  All the things I hoped to accomplish on my own haven’t happened.  I can’t even stand to be at my house alone.  So of course my house is a huge mess and that makes me feel even worse.  I haven’t been to my parents house in two weeks (my mother is probably ecstatic) and I don’t have any active listings on ebay.  I even have an extra dining room table at by house because my brother and sister in law gave me theirs.  I haven’t become motivated to get rid of the old one.  My life is literally a mess.  I went to the doctor to be put back on anti depressants and have been on them for about two weeks now.  I’m not sure if they are actually helping in the end, but time will tell.

I have always known that both of my parents (and most hoarders) suffer from different degrees of depression, so it is no surprise that I would have it as well.  I’m hoping to get out of this funk soon and get back to normal, whatever that is.  I will attempt to continue posting on my blog and get back to cleaning my parents’ house this week.  Wish me luck!!